Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
