I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
