11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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