I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
