Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Two words: blizzard sex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
