on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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