my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
