no, he came in my armpit
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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