she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A bitchslap is in order.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
