my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
