I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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