My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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