so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
