you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
