my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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