sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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