he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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