This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Come share oat with me in your robe
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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