By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
