He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
