his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
