I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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