I want to have your abortion
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to calm my uterus...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
