He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
