you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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