Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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