he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
