You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
