omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
