Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The best revenge is premature balding
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
