FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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