I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
