i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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