Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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