I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
