You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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