Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
