..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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