yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
