Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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