One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
