DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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