I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
