It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
