I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
