I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You have to summon your inner elephant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
