I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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