I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
