I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
