I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
