Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
