This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
