I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
