Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
