Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
