had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Someone signed my nipple.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
