I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
