she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
